Parental Expectation vs Child’s skill level

Parents want what is best for their child. They go out of their way to ensure that their child has each and everything that they could possibly need and want.

When you have a newborn, you anxiously wait for all of the baby’s firsts, such as saying their first words and taking their first steps. From the moment the child is born, parents set expectations for the child to do many things, whether they’re big (i.e. going to university or small (i.e. saying “mom” as their first word).

As the child gets older, they become more aware of the parent’s expectations. The child realizes what is expected of them and the consequences that will occur if those expectations are not met.

Parents of Children with Disabilities

A common occurrence for families with children with disabilities is that parents compare the skills of their child to other children, with or without disabilities. Doing so can create unrealistic expectations for your child and a disconnect between parental expectation and a child’s own skill level.

Sometimes, parents are hesitant to listen to their child’s teachers or therapists regarding the child’s skill level. Parents compare their child’s progress to other children, such as their older child, their neighbours children, their child’s classmates etc.,

Each child is different and has different skill levels in different areas.

In my experience, when parents don’t listen to their child’s teachers or therapists, the child suffers. The parents try to coerce the child to do more difficult tasks and then the parents are met with challenging behaviour from the child.

So what can you do instead?

As a parent, you know what is good for your child, but sometimes it is better to listen to an expert- specifically when challenging behaviours or disability is present. This is because therapists or educators may have previously seen this occur and can help to guide you in what will be best for your child. If you disagree with what the therapist or educator says, let your voice be heard! You are your child’s biggest advocate. You can ask for different types of solutions.

For example, your child is learning how to request for preferred items (i.e. chips, cookies, crackers). The therapists suggests withholding food until the child requests for it. If you are uncomfortable with this approach, you can make the therapist aware of your choice. The therapist may offer a solution such as withholding a specific food only, such as a brand of cookies or a candy.

Please feel free to email me or leave a comment if you have any questions or want to see more programs!